Is the new year a new you?

Leadership Lesson: 

No one knows who you are

Choose who you want to be

When I was a teenager I almost broke my leg at a Nirvana concert

It was October 29, 1993 and I was 16 years old

I weighed somewhere between 100-120lbs and was absolutely fearless

My sister and her friends stayed safe way back in the bleachers, but not me

I raced down alone

Right into the center of the mosh pit

Back then, I had long hair down to about the middle of my back and had already started playing guitar in my first band

I wanted to get as a close as I could to Kurt Cobain and I had a plan

Crowd surfing

I knew that if you could crowd surf, they’d take you all the way to the front and toss you over the barricade

But, if you dropped your weight forward and timed it right you could get put down right near the front

I almost timed it perfectly

Almost

Instead, I barely went over the barricade

My leg got wedged between the A frames where two of the barricades connected

The bouncer on the other side kept shoving me trying to get me to clear out, but I couldn’t move

The more he pushed the more pressure he put on my leg

Eventually he realized what was going on

He lifted me and my leg out and then tossed me to the side

It was a wild time

But the view before I went down was spectacular

Here’s the thing

Most of you didn’t know that about me

In fact, most people couldn’t even picture me as the long haired skinny kid flailing around in the mosh pit

And yet, for some people in my life, that’s exactly how they remember me

Am I still that kid?

Yes

And also no

When we’re younger we expect our memories to fade in the same way our memories of being a baby fade

But they don’t

We remember so much about ourselves as if it was yesterday

Off the top of my head I remember:

• Playground fights

• The Challenger disaster

• The Dot Com Bubble

• Concerts

• Conversations with close friends

• 9/11

• Every relationship and break up

• Being cheated on

• Performing on stage to sold out crowds

• Performing on stage to empty bars and theaters

• Weddings

• Funerals

And yet, the only constant through it all was me

Most people only know me from one stop on my journey

And the same is true for you

No one will ever know all of you

No one will ever truly know who you are

They only see the one aspect of yourself you choose to present to them

Yes, I said choose

There’s always a choice

Even if it’s subconscious, we choose to present ourselves a certain way

The way you present yourself to your parents is likely different to how you are with a lover

A coworker vs an old friend

Someone who reports to us vs those we report to

And we switch between all these aspects of ourselves

This in itself isn’t a problem

We all do it, we’re human

It’s in our nature

Except there is one problem:

Consistency Bias

This idea that we somehow have to live up to and remain consistent with our past selves

You don’t

You choose to stay consistent for past people who don’t even know you anyway

After all, what would ‘so and so’ think if I started acting a different way around them?

Probably not much

The reality is most people aren’t thinking about you at all

Like you and me, they’re thinking about themselves and how the rest of the world sees them

This may seem like bad news, but actually it’s pretty great

It means you can be whatever version of yourself you want to be

And you can start today

Here’s an exercise to try out this year

• Observe your own behavior in different situations

• Write down how you would prefer your behavior to have been

• Take those notes and compile a description of your ideal self

  • How would they behave?

  • What are their characteristics?

  • How do they respond when faced with difficult situations?

• Start to do those things and act in that way

It will take practice and there will be set backs, but that’s all part of the journey

Want to be fit?

Be the person that goes to the gym every day

Want to learn a new skill?

Be the person that puts in the time and the effort to train for it

Want to start a business

Be the person that does the hard things necessary to run a business

Want to be a leader in your organization?

Do the things that leaders need to do day in and day out

This year the new you is a choice you make every day

Make it an intentional one

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